Surprise and Surrender

Willem and I were making slow progress, darting through the trees warily, making less noise than a ghost would. No sounds or looks passed between us; for neither felt the want to communicate after what we had both just seen and done. I knew Willem felt numb and weak. It was in my friend’s pace, in the way he held his head and the way his eyes looked both empty and pained at the same time.
I sighed deeply, focusing on the forest ahead and trying to center my whirling mind. Somewhere in the forest a dead branch fell, crashing to the forest floor and startling the two of us. I glanced at Willem; concern clouded his dark eyes. He refused to meet my gaze at first, then succumbed after a few long moments.
You told us never to kill, his dark eyes seemed to say, now I understand why.
I bristled, feeling utterly judged by the self-pity that emanated from Willem. We did what he had to, I made clear with a pained huff, and we survived because of it.
Willem lowered his gaze and kept running, tail dragging along the leaf-strewn ground behind him.


~ † ~



Night had long since fallen when we finally reached the outpost, uninjured but exhausted. Being the larger of the two, I had fared better on the journey but still felt as if my entire world had been altered in some way. I knew Willem must feel the same, we were in the same boat; we had both killed and we had both been prepared to kill again. What did that make us? What would the others say?
As we drew nearer to the outpost a rustle in the treetops above alerted me to Audrey’s presence, the giant cat leaping from the branches to land at our feet. The relief in her eyes was obvious and seeped into me like medicine as I touched my face to hers. Willem embraced her, relieved, also appearing to feel slightly better.
All three of us changed there without any further ado. Once human, Audrey rushed into my arms, embracing me as tightly as Aliscia would Matteo. I wondered if there was anyone I could ever love more than this beautiful woman.
“Is everyone safe?” I asked her once she had pulled away from my embrace.
She nodded, tears of relief in her eyes. “They arrived this afternoon,” she replied, “long before you. Oh, Rafe, we were so worried. They said that−”
“I’m okay,” I interjected, not wanting to hear what had clearly been thought by the rest of my scouts after our return had looked so unlikely.
She nodded again, a half-smile brightening her face. “Caterina hurt her arm,” she told us as we made our way through the trees toward the outpost, being careful not to leave any sort of trail or path as we went. “Or her leg, if you like. Arm right now, anyway.”
“How?” Willem and I chorused.
Audrey hesitated, “She must’ve hurt it when she was running,” she replied, “but it’s deeper than any of us realized and she has lost a lot of blood.”
My heart skipped a beat and I felt a surge of worry, “She’ll be alright?” I tried in vain to keep my expression from looking too beaten.
“Of course. Connor has taken care of her well.”
Beside me I felt Willem’s indignation and jealousy at this statement, and I smiled slightly as the other Lupine snorted and rolled his dark eyes. “Sure he did,” Willem growled under his breath. We both heard him.
Audrey shot me a humorous glance but her amusement died as she caught the worry lining my weary face. Up ahead the trees thinned and stopped altogether, making way for a large clearing. She threw a concerned look in Willem’s direction and he left us in peace, bounding across the grass toward the outpost. Her hand brushed gently against mine, “Are you really okay?” she asked in a low voice as Willem disappeared.
“No,” was all I said to her, suddenly unwilling to reveal the truth of what had happened earlier that day.
She scrutinized my exhausted face, eyes narrowing but remaining full of worry. “If you say so,” she said softly, “but you know you can always confide in me. I understand you, Rafe, you know I do.” She kissed me gently then, on the cheek, and turned to leave, disappearing from my sight as she slipped through the last few trees.
I watched her go, eager to see the rest of my scouts but afraid that they, too, would see through my pathetic attempt at concealing my suffering. I sighed and took a deep breath, then headed sluggishly toward home with its twinkling, flickering lights, knowing that I must deal with whatever lay in wait for me there. Only, it wasn’t what I expected.



“What is this?” Willem was saying angrily when I entered. “Huh? What are we – a hotel?”
“I told them to come,” Audrey was growling, but he obviously wasn’t listening.
A strange, foreign smell hit my nostrils as I stepped through the door. The odour of cat; or more precisely, of a bunch of them. My skin prickled uncomfortably.
“What−” I began, then cut off as I saw my kitchen full of strange Lupines. Lupines I recognized, but didn’t want here. Not here. Not in my home, invading my privacy, encroaching on my territory.
“What is this?” I repeated after Willem, fury tainting my calm demeanour.
Audrey opened her mouth to reply but Lira beat her to the punch. “This one summoned us,” she said in her gentle but authoritative voice. “She said you had news of a dead Lupine in this area.”
I nodded formally, my own eyes fixed on her glittering black ones. “In our area, yes,” I replied stonily, still furious at Audrey’s lack of tact. “We found her on our patrol yesterday morning. She had been shot; probably near the wall, then dragged herself into the woods to die. She appeared young, no older than myself.”
Lira nodded. The look of dread that passed through her black eyes did not escape me. “What did she look like?” she asked, voice breaking slightly at the question.
I swallowed, knowing what was coming, “Light brown hair and green eyes, very light skin.”
Lira glanced at Carlos, who stood beside her. He nodded gravely and took her hand. The other three strange Lupines exchanged knowing glances. “May we speak in private, Rafaele?” she asked me stiffly. I nodded in affirmation.
We slipped outside silently into the brisk night air. Lira appeared troubled so I decided to momentarily drop my guard. I placed a hand on her shoulder.
“She was one of yours?”
Lira’s gaze was terribly sad, “She was. It’s strange though, that she should be killed now.”
“Strange, how?”
“She left maybe two weeks ago, she just disappeared. Alessio – one of mine – said she had been acting strange. She told him she had found it. When he asked what it was exactly, she replied that it was the answer to ‘all this’. I don’t know what she meant.”
I considered this strange occurrence in silence. I thought I might know what she had been seeking, but I wasn’t sure of her reasons. “What was her name?” I asked after a long moment.
“Her name was Connie, Connie Felton. She was a jaguar, and one of our dearest friends.” Lira seemed on the verge of crying so I took a chance and embraced her. She fell into my arms, tears staining the black fibres of my shirt.
After a few minutes she pulled away, eyes red from crying, and looked up at me. “I must know why she died,” was all she managed.
“If I told you I knew, would you keep it from your scouts?”
“They all have a right to know.”
“Not this,” I insisted, “they can’t know this.”
She narrowed her teary eyes at me, “Connie would not have risked her life for anything of less than the utmost importance,” she told me bravely. “If you say that it must be confidential, then I will respect your judgment.”
I breathed a silent sigh of relief and thanked the skies that Lira was a reasonable woman. “She sought something that could be very dangerous to us,” I told her in a low voice, scenting the air for unwanted eavesdroppers and finding none. “She stole a vial of the disease that wiped out almost everything a century ago. I don’t know how they still had it, but they did. Why would that have been worth her death?”
Lira’s eyes widened but she refrained from indicating any other signs of her shock.
“This disease could destroy us,” I said pointedly. “Why would they still have it?”
“Is that why she went into the city?” Lira asked.
I nodded; she needed no further explanation. Her Lupine, Connie, had somehow stolen this box. But what she had intended to do with it, was still unclear.
Lira’s gaze came to rest on the ground between us. “Where is it?” she asked, voice shaking slightly. I could tell that she was being genuine – she really hadn’t known Connie’s true intentions.
“I’ve hidden it.”
“Good, no one must ever know.”
I nodded slowly, searching her face for any other signs. Her expression looked worried, but something in her eyes just didn’t look right.
“Agreed,” I said, promising myself that I’d find out what she was hiding.
“For now,” Lira continued, “I have a proposal for you. We need food, both of us. We can’t feed our people on nothing. I have an inside voice, but I need extra hands. I want your scouts to come with us, soon. To raid the city.”
“No thanks,” I said automatically. It was a ridiculous proposal.
Lira looked me in the eye. “We both need this,” she said. “You know that. It’s the best chance we’ll get. Look, I’ll make sure no one gets hurt. I don’t want any casualties any more than you do. Even human ones.”
I shook my head.
“So you’re going to starve? Or just eat leaves for a month?”
I ground my teeth. She was right. I’d known that I’d have to plan a raid on the city soon, I just didn’t know if I was comfortable working with Lira. However the promise of inside information was a good one, perhaps too good to pass up.
“Send me a scout in a week,” I told her. “I’ll ready mine and have an answer for you then.”
Lira nodded energetically, “You won’t regret this.”
“I’d better not.”